Healing has been a recurring theme in my life this year. 2013 has been one of extreme external and internal transformation. We are all on a healing journey of some sort – whether it is physical, spiritual or emotional, I like to believe we want to experience the feeling of being revived, whole and complete. We all desire to heal from wounds caused by others and even more importantly, the scars we have ourselves inflicted. I found that healing was this dynamic and complex process that required trust, patience and a deep self-love. For me, it was also about my ability to stop making excuses, to no longer hide behind my wounds and be courageous enough to choose to heal.
Healing became this practice of reconciling myself with myself. Healing inspired freedom as it required me to put myself first but also served as a lesson in self-acceptance as some uncomfortable truths were revealed as well. It moved from dabbling here and there in the idea of recovery to a ritual of showing up every day and being an active participant in my own completion. I made a promise to myself that I would strive to be whole.
What does whole look like? Well, to me healing looks like balance restored. Healing is bringing out of the darkness all of which was encountered with my shadow self. Healing is softening the calloused, hardened parts so that new pain and old wounds transform into these tender, magical spaces of love and beauty. Healing is a purge of all of that which we have ingested that is toxic. This means we may have to again taste our sour and bitter pasts so that we can create more space in every aspect of our lives to allow goodness to flow freely. Healing is cracking open the places that won’t let love in and uncovering the places that will not let your light out. Healing is messy; but discovering that messy is sometimes where you find yourself. Healing means to run your fingers over those renewed places you thought would never stop bleeding and remember and feel what it means to be alive again. Healing is the discovery of peace, despite the chaos I became so willing to embrace. Healing is an unveiling of who you truly are.
I affirmed to myself that I was what healing, restoration and rebirth looked like. I learned that healing may not always be about becoming new, but without all the wounds, seeing how beautiful I have been all along. What heals you? Move toward that.